I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
