I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
