Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
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I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
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My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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