Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
