Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
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She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
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Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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