is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
if only i could text you this smell
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
