your room smells of hookers.
And success
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
