the condom got lost in my hair
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
