I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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