How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
