saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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