ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Congratulations! We have a period
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