omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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