apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
