i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
