It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just want to make out with him forever
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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