so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
