Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
