You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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