Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
