Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
