Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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