This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
