I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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