this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
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