he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
