plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
