I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
