Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
This house was built for laser tag.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
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