would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we made out on top of his cat.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
