So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
