last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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