I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
