No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
