How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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