Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
