If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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