a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
