i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
