wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
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