we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
