What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
