Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
It's blow job season.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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