Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
