I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
