Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
