So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Randomize
