My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The 21 Worst Ways People Have Been Dumped
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
19 People Confess The Worst Things They Have Been Accused Of
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever