sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
25 Times Terrible Advice Was Given To A Teenager
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.