OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
These 21 Drunks Said The Darndest Things
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
These 25 Irresponsible People Blew All Their Cash On Drugs, Booze, & Sex
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal