i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.