My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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