yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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