I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
