I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
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