Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
