He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
