Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
