Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
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