All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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