so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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