Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
