I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
