it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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