im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
