Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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