You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
