Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
