I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
