I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
