my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
