How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We left the knife in your bed.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
