found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
