Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Swine flu is the new snow day.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
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I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
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my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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